Hurt So Good

From the desk of Crystal Andrus:



We teach what we need to learn. Or maybe better said, we teach what we’ve just learned. So passionate about our new-found excitement, we want everyone to feel what we’ve just experienced. The feeling of healing, joy, love, and sense of personal power is too good to hoard and hold onto just for ourselves. We blow the trumpets, send out the word, and beg to share our message with anyone who’ll listen.

This is really the case with me and the work that I now do…

I spent far too many years struggling; far too many years desperate for personal peace, acceptance, love, and happiness. Each time I would get a taste of it, I would hunger for it all the more. My appetite never satisfied. My thirst never quenched.

My first real memorable knockout of joy came just after my first daughter, Madelaine, was born. The overwhelming feeling I had for her, literally, bowled me over. I truly wasn’t prepared for it. Love temporarily replaced every bit of anger and fear inside of me. I felt renewed. Alive. Ready and willing.

My heart began to heal. Although my relationship with my mother had become so dysfunctional over the years—so hurt and tattered—I wondered if maybe she too had once felt this same unconditional love for me that I now held for my new child. Deep down, I believed it. I wanted to. I chose to. And even though things had been so strained, I was able to begin seeing my mother through different lenses.

The next punch of power arrived in a very different package. While focused on loving my children (yes, I had another daughter soon after, who filled me with an equally-overwhelming amount of love), I had somehow gained an exorbitant amount of weight through the process. Yet how could that happen? How could loving my children cause me to pack on the pounds? What was going on?

Then, late one night when Julia (my second daughter) was only four months old, I had my next breakthrough. Unsuccessfully fighting back tears, I sobbed as I cuddled my sleeping daughter late into the night. I had never cried so desperately or so honestly.

Really … what was happening to me? Was I having a breakdown? Had the enormity of my past pain finally caught up with me? Or maybe, it was a breakthrough?

I was truly overwhelmed, but in a different way than I had been only two short years before (almost to the day), when my first daughter was born.

The feeling, although quite different than the overpowering sense of love I had experienced with Madelaine, was still nevertheless as overwhelming. It was in that authentic moment of pain that I was able to see things through different lenses.

I loved my daughters so much that I realized I had to heal my own broken pieces—not just for my sake so that I could be a happy, successful, woman but for their sake—so that I could be an empowered role model. It was time to give my daughters the greatest gift I could ever give to them as a mother—self love. It was time to show myself love. Treat myself with love; to be here—fully awake to feel love, receive love, and allow it to blossom in my life.

If you’ve read my “Simply…Woman” journey, you’ll know that I got up the next morning and went for a walk. Those walks soon turned into runs. The runs turned into strength. The strength turned into power, and within a few short months, I became a walking billboard of health, happiness, and vitality, wanting to share my new-found confidence and excitement with everyone I met. I wanted every woman to feel alive, strong, and confident—loving the skin she was in.

Now don’t kid yourself: The 16 years since that journey began hasn’t always been easy. I won’t lie and tell you it’s been all rosy. What I will tell you is that in order to be happy, successful, empowered, authentic, and fully awake in your own life you have to break the bonds that hold you captive … in your own mind. You have to heal the “could’ve beens” and “should’ve beens”. You have to find positive and empowered ways of coping, with not only the past pains but with the new ones, arriving in the here and now. (Yes! Even when your life is happy, successful, and empowered, painful things still happen.)

The secret lies in healing the feeling.

When my daughters were born, I felt the overwhelming feeling of love. When I sat crying in my rocking chair with my daughter cuddled on my lap, I felt the overwhelming feelings of despair and confusion. In order to get where I am (and I’m not just talking about in my career!), I’ve had to actually feel and deal with……

(To read more, Click here )

How to Turn Your Dreams into Reality

Everyone has a list of things they want to do before they die: faraway places to see, books to write, mountains to climb. Some people call it a bucket list, or a wish list, but I call it a dream list. Some people have a hundred things on their dream list, while others only have two, but everyone has a list, whether they know it or not. There is something deeply beautiful about having a serious dream list because it really reveals the inner truth about what you want in your life. At my coaching company the Handel Group, I have my clients analyze the different areas of their life and design and plan accordingly so that they have a road map to make the dreams on their list happen.

I find that the area where most people tend to be most complacent in the dreams is their career. It's easy to get stuck in your career, even -- in fact, especially -- if you are in the field that you want to be in. It's easy to be comfortable and doing what you always planned to do, but not really challenging yourself. This can lead to dissatisfaction and boredom -- what you really need to stay inspired is a dream to focus on.

A few years ago, I reconnected with a friend from childhood, Craig Wedren, whom I went to summer camp with when I was 13 years old. His dream when we were kids was to become a famous rock star and change the world with his music. When we reconnected in our mid-30s, he was doing really well in his career. He had been the lead singer of the popular indie band Shudder to Think in his twenties and had become an accomplished TV and movie composer ("School of Rock," "Role Models," "Reno 911!," "Hung," "United States of Tara"). As we talked about his career, I found that even though he had many successes and was doing "what he always wanted to do," he had lost sight of his dreams and inspiration. He knew exactly what he wanted at 20, but at age 35 he hadn't continued to push his dreams.

The art of knowing what you want is critical to getting what you want.

The first thing I had Craig do was brainstorm about what he really wanted in his career -- then write it into a dream list. Most people hit a point in their life where they stop dreaming or keep the list in the back of their mind. You need to put it down on paper so that you can really refine what exactly it is you want to do. After Craig wrote out his dream list, I asked him if there was anything on his list that he would be heartbroken if he didn't achieve. He told me he had been thinking of trying to do a thoroughly modern update to the classic rock movie -- in the vein of Pink Floyd's "The Wall" and The Who's "Tommy," where he could tell an epic story through his music. He already had a concept and title: "Wand." As a film composer, he had been writing music to fit with other peoples' images, but he decided that it would be interesting to turn that on its head and create visuals to fit the music he'd written.

Often people avoid following a specific dream because it will takes years to achieve what they want.

With every client, I make sure they come to terms with how long it will take for a dream to happen. If you want to be a great skier, it won't happen in a month; it may take five years or longer to master it. It's important that the client understand and accept the amount of time it will take to achieve his or her dream. When Craig committed to doing this new project, he wasn't sure how long it would take, but he really wanted it and was willing to spend years to make it happen.

To turn a dream into a reality, you have to put it in the time.

Once a client makes the decision to follow a dream, we immediately implement a plan of action. Craig was a working composer, so he wasn't able to spend all his time working on "Wand." So I had him look at his schedule and commit to working a certain amount of hours a week on it. I'm talking bite-sized commitments -- real steps toward achieving your dream. If you commit to something that you are dying to do, even if you only give one day a month toward it, it will truly change how you think and dramatically improve your life.

Once Craig had a plan in place, I had him implement a system of consequences to help him keep his work promises and keep him focused on his dream. I like to find something that will really motivate a client. In this case, it was coffee. Craig really loves his espresso, so if Craig didn't do his daily hours on "Wand," he would lose his shots of espresso the following day. He was also accountable to me with his progress and had to email me details of his work on "Wand" every week. When going after a dream, it's important to have someone keeping you on track to your goal. Dreams can become reality with a strong commitment, integrity and a plan. For Craig, working on it daily forced him to have it on his mind all the time, and led him and director Tim Nackashi to creatively pioneer a new kind of interactive, 360-degree visual style for "Wand."

How anyone can make a dream happen:

1. Write out your dream list and ask yourself what item on that list would break your heart if you didn't go after it.


2. Make peace with how long it will take you to achieve your dream.


3. Set up a plan of action where you commit to a specific amount of time each week working toward your dream.


4. Implement a system of consequences in place to help you keep your integrity with your plan of action, and have a friend help you be accountable.


5. Go after your dream and discover how proud you feel about yourself for taking the steps toward achieving something you really want in your life.

Following your dream is the act of loving life.

When I started working with Craig, "Wand" was just a thought in his head. Through coaching and a solid commitment and plan, Craig discovered what he really wanted to accomplish and was able to figure out how to go after it.

Now, almost four years later, the first installment of "Wand," "Are We," is getting some serious online love and has been nominated for MTV's O Music Award for Most Innovative Video. If he never put his dream down on paper and saw what he really wanted, "Wand" would never have become a reality.

* * * * *Craig's Wedren's interactive video "Are We," the first chapter of "Wand," can be seen at www.craigwedren.com, and you can vote for "Are We" at http://omusicawards.com/vote/most-innovative-music-video.

 Original post found here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lauren-zander/dreams-reality_b_845824.html

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